Dispatches from Aya Nagar 3 - Mooooo

Some time back I was planning my day at home. The usual stuff - cooking, pump water, washing and getting some writing done in between. I was half way through my breakfast ritual the lights went off.

Now with no electricity my whole plan for the day was off gear. Do I wait for the electricity to put clothes to wash ? Or do I have my beauty bath and get down to writing? And what if the light comes back ? Do I interrupt my artistic labours and deal with the washing machine?

So I did what any sane person from Karol Bagh would do. I called BSES.

Because that what I used to do there. And they would tell me when the electricity would come back and you could plan your day.

Nowadays you have a centralized number to make things easier. But actually it becomes more difficult. They never seem to pick up.

So I go to meet my neighbours who have been staying in the village longer. They are amused that I am even calling up BSES. Their policy is to wait till the light comes back. I try that.

Now it is an hour and I am not able to decide whether to write, bathe or wash. So I call the toll free number again. When they answer your phone after 6 minutes and 35 seconds they act surprised:

"There is no complaint from your side." My side?
"Am telling you we do not have electricity for two hours" (I exaggerate because I know what is coming next)
"Is this Aya Nagar under Jaunapur village? Yes sir, there has been no electricity for the last half hour"
"So when will the electricity come back?"
"There is technical breakdown. This might take an hour and 40 minutes"

Just with that one piece of information my day till lunch is decided. No bathing, no washing. Just writing.

But how long can a guy write without hearing the whirring of the washing machine in the background? I am used to that rythym. That is my mojo. I patiently wait for two hours to pass.

Before I hit lunch, I decide to give it a try again. I give my complaint number. Punching sound.

"Yes sir?" (He can see my complaint but he pretends that he does not understand)
"I spoke to you in the morning."
"And you have not got electricity back ?"
"No" (Why would I call you then?)

Silence. I can hear some fiddling.

"Sir, there is BIIIIG technical problem. This will take two more hours"

Now my day is totally gone haywire. I decide to take out the clothes from the machine and put them back in the laundry basket. There is nothing more humiliating than doing that. The empty washing machine seems to be mocking me.

At five I call one more time.

"Sir we do not know how long it will take. Please ask your local office"
"Can you give me there number"
"I do not have that."
Silence. He does not have that number?
" Can I help you with anything else, sir?"

I finally get the number to the local guy. I call.

"Yes"
"I am calling from the village and I have not had electricity since the morning."
"Yes"
"How long will it take"
"We do not know"
"What do you mean?"
"Two cows got electrocuted last night."
Cows?
"And we are checking all the lines where the leakage is. We cannot tell you when the light will be restored."

The line went dead.

I had never heard that kind of an excuse ever for electricity breakdown.

As I sat waiting in the dark I smiled. Maybe I could use that on a client someday.

I could not finish the film edit because two cows got electrocuted and the electricity was not restored for 24 hours.

Better than saying the computer crashed.

Dispatches from Aya Nagar 2 - The Scriptwriter

So am sitting in my shorts and ganji waiting for some inspiration to strike.

That’s a large part of the reason one has moved here. To be away from the city. For peace and quiet. To be alone.

I listen. There is nothing. No rush of ideas. No brilliant line to kick start it. Nothing

So I pretend to wait for the right moment and look for something else to do. Like clean the metal chimney. Or the fridge. Or wash clothes. Amazing how domesticated we become in search of inspiration.

I hear the bell ring and walk over to open it.

There is a young man standing. He asks for me. Tentatively, he tells me he has written a story about his life. He has faced many challenges and wanted to put down on paper how he overcame them and became the person he was.

I asked him how he came to know about me. Apparently through small talk among taxi drivers. They have a database of filmmakers in the area.

So much for fame. 24 hour news channels. Red Carpet Invites. Flashbulbs. All that will have to wait. Right now the Taxi Drivers’ Association of Aya Nagar is following your career.

So I set to demolish his enthusiasm. Tell him how difficult it is to make a movie. To raise money. You know the kind of theories you develop to explain to yourself why you have not moved your ass about the four scripts lying in your secret vault and twenty other swirling in your mind. And most people believe you.

He is not interested. He wants to read out his story. He seems like he is on another planet.

Where I was 20 years ago.

So I give up.

We have a script reading on Monday morning.

Totally.

Dispatches from Aya Nagar 1 - Fearless Investigators

All of last month A's handle on GMail has been - Getting a new house has been like a getting a new life.

And so it goes. After the floods made the journey to the new home an Expedition to the Animal Kingdom, now the broken roads test the car shockers. Of course the neighbours - both helpful and more than curious. The strange sounds at night and early morning. The new friends you make - monkeys, peacocks you name it. These we were ready for.

So imagine our pleasant surprise when we got this with our morning newspaper. Now Karol Bagh has its share of funny promotionals (LAST SALE OF PRE WEDDING SEASON, INTERNATIONAL BRANDS AT YOUR BACK DOOR) but nothing prepared us for FEARLESS INVESTIGATORS.

The ad started off with - Are you worried about the future of your children and your family status?

I thought this must be a tuition or a private college but then why would they call themselves FEARLESS INVESTIGATORS?

Then - If YES, then Fearless Investigators will help you to relieve from the pain. Pain?
OK, this must be a hospital or a test lab for diseases.

Then it confused me further - If your children have fallen in love trap with the wrong person?
Who are these guys? Marriage Counselors? Or just regular shrinks? And more importantly, there are places in this world who can top K B in funny product flyers?

Further down it was revealed - India's first company that has been built to protect you, your family status and your children from few wrong persons...

Yes. Please click on the image to enjoy the full Monty.

The first official ad for a private Khap panchayat meets private investigators. And maybe they have a sister concern that assists in honour killings.

Welcome to Aya Nagar. The honour of my children will be safe here.

PS - I have left their numbers if any of you need them. Just in case.