The Reluctant Migrant

Got into a flight for Kochi and immediately a conversation as I sat on my seat.

"Are you going to Kochi?"

I nodded. The guy was clutching grey bad and was wearing a cap. (Inside the plane !)

"Do you stay there ? Are you working there?"

I shook my head.

"I am going to meet my parents."

A sigh of relief.

" I am going to Kerala for the first time. Have got a job. Government job."

He looked around. His voice dropped.

"What kind of a place is it? Will I get a cheap place to stay? Can they understand Hindi?"

"Where are you from ?"

"Bihar..."

I smiled.

"Why do you worry ? Its OK..."

"I am going for the first time. Outside my place. I don't know what kind of place will it be."

I gave up. This guy had a sarkari job and was shitting bricks about moving to a new place. What about those who migrate to the metros without any guarantee, no place to stay...

And these are the people that politicians warn are ruining the cities.

a Friday ride with Ishwari Lal

.... with apologies to Mitch Albom

caught a ride from South Delhi back home
decided to catch up with friends on my mobile

was uninterrupted by a polite voice

"Aap bura na mane to ek baat kahun?" (If you don't mind may I say something?)

I was like - is this the auto guy talking? Wow! And then they say this city has no culture...

Ishwari Lal was his name and he wanted to take an alternative route to my home since CP was out of bounds due to a procession. I agreed.

He turned and continued : Har bar koyi julloos nikalta hai to shahar thoda mar jaata hai...
(Every time someone takes out a procession the city dies a little...)

By this time I quickly ended my conversation on the mobile and was all ears. This guy was a poet.

He then held forth on how the city was in a state of decay.

Ped kat rahen hain. (Trees are being cut)
Kahan? (Where?)
Jahan Metro ban raha hai.(Where ever the Metro is coming)

Then he turned to the weather.

Ab ki baar to thand khoob hai. Hawa hi nahi aa rahi. Chaar bajte hi thand shuru ho jaati hai. Aur is baar to baarish bhi nahi giri. Socho tab kitni thand hoti.
(This winter it is very cold. There is no wind at all. As soon as it becomes four in the evening the cold comes in. And this is when it has not rained. Imagine if it had rained it would have become colder)

By now we had reached the Ridge. The trees were grey and looked like they were getting the worst of winter - no rain and all the pollution.

Yeh ped dekho. Garmi mein to mar jayenge. Is bar to garmi jyadaa hogi na -
(Look at these trees. They will die this summer because it is going to be very hot -)
Kyon? (Why?)
Arre, jab thand jyadaa padti hai to garmi bhi jyadaa hoti hai
(When the winter is very severe, the summer is hotter)

As we neared the house he set out his prognosis for the city in the future. Cars were increasing and the Metro was coming. Auto rickshaws will go out of fashion. Sitting in the rackety thing, I for one would not mind that.

But where will we get to hear such conversations in the future ?

A conspiracy to corrupt the world

My partner overheard the following conversation between two ladies (55 yrs) during the morning walk.

Lady 1: Where had you gone in the afternoon yesterday?

Lady 2: To PVR. To watch Cheeni Kum.

Lady 1: How is the movie?
Lady 2: The ideal movie to corrupt our world.

Lady 1: Why?

Lady 2: Well they actually tell a girl that if she cannot find someone to marry within her age group she can marry a 64 year old. At a time when a man should be doing pooja path...

Lady 1: You are right-

Lady 2: We have such an old civilization. And it is all being destroyed by such ideas...

At this point my partner fell onto the grass laughing. When the ladies looked at her she pretended she was trying a new yoga pose.

Conversation at a barber shop (saloon for you Hollywood types!!)

I am sitting between a guy who is having his hair coloured and a kid who is probably the finickiest customer when it comes to hair styling. The conversation which was in Hindi is translated for those who may have forgotten the language either during transportation to Amkrika or sitting long hours in a coffee shop.

Guy Who Is Getting His Hair Coloured - GWIGHHC (to the owner): Chacha, mujhe aap sab sikhaa dena. (Uncle, Please teach me everything.)

Owner: Tu do teen saal rahegaa, to mard bana doongaa tujhe. (You stay with me for two three years I will make you a man.)

I turn to look at GWIGHHC. I realize he is an employee who is getting his hair coloured, probably related to the owner.

Finicky Kid – FK: Aargh!! Thik se kato. Itna chota nahin!!! (Cut it properly. Not that short!)

GWIGHHC – Mujhe sikna hai. Aage badhna hai.( I want to learn and move ahead in life.)

Owner: Tu do teen saal rahegaa, to mard bana doongaa tujhe. (You stay with me for two three years I will make you a man.)

I look at the Owner. What is he driving at? Am I missing something here?

GWIGHHC – Main Bangalore mein kaam karna chahta hoon. (I want to work in Bangalore.)

Owner: Haan wahan bhi hamari saloon hai. (Yes we have a saloon there.)

GWIGHHC: Wahan bahut paisa hai. Bahar se log jo settle hain, cutting ka bahut paisa dete hain. (There is lot of money there. NRIs pay a lot of money for a hair cut.)

Owner: Arre tujhe koi problem nahi hogi. Bas bol dena Salim ke saath tha. Kuch aur bolne ki zaroorat hi nahi hai. (You will have no problem. Just tell them you were with Salim.)

FK : Itna chota kar diya!!! (You have cut it too short!!)

Owner: Lekin Tu Gurgaon kyun nahin Jataa. Wahan jyaadaa paisa hai… (Why don’t you go to Gurgaon? There is more money there…)

Barber shops are places for interesting conversations. Since I have to remove my specs, I end up concentrating on what people are saying. It was here that I learnt (five days before the results) that Mayawati will win in UP (and you thought CNN IBN got it right) and that Amisha Patel is the most popular actress according to Punjab Kesari readers. (was is the coloured hair that got those punjabis?)

And this is not men’s prerogative. had the chance to listen in on a conversation at a hair stylist for women (don’t ask me how) and conversation was equally bizarre(the real reason why men like short haired women but marry long haired ones). One always gathers nuggets of wisdom that cannot be found anywhere else – coffee shops included. Probably it’s the same sex thing. Isolated in a room you are able to open up and discuss India’s economy and do a spot poll on fastest growing cities. Such conversations begin naturally with manhood issues with an adolescent shouting in the background.

In this visit I finally learnt that India is still Shining (for barbers at least) and the place to be is Gurgaon. Bangalore is passé. But this left me wondering - what about Nagpur? Don't people there get a hair cut?
PS. In case you missed joining the Army join Salim's saloon (East Patel Nagar). In two three years we will make you a man. Promise.