Aap itna gaali kyun dete hain?

Delhi Belly had restarted a debate on abuse and boy am I glad. I was fast becoming one of the last few souls who still abuse. Most of my friends were turning away from using the F,B,C,M,G and L words.

My first gaali lesson was from my little brother. He came back from school one day and blurted it out. It sounded something like screwing a buffalo. It did not seem to make sense although his friends were using it in school and having fun. Many years later I realized it was actually about screwing someone else.

I remember an assistant of mine was shocked when he heard me abuse on shoot. He thought it was an exception and let it pass. But pretty soon he realized that was not the case. I was at it everyday. And I did not seem to bother if there were women around. So one day at lunch break he sat down and looked deep into my eyes and asked – Aap itna gaali kyun dete hain?

I started by explaining how gaalis encapsulate the frustration one feels in certain situations. How gaalis help us take out that anger. How there should be a law in support for giving gaalis. How gaalis help reduce violence. And how the study of gaalis should be regular subject at school where children should be awarded marks for creating new flowery gaalis.

He never spoke to me on that subject again.

My experience is that Delhi is streets ahead on this. When working briefly in Bombay, I remember people accepted any kind of behaviour in colleagues and friends. Stuff that could be considered immoral elsewhere. Two timers, three timers. You name it. But you could not abuse. They had actually invented words like “fish” and “fuch” so that they did not have to say the real thing in public.

In the gaali universe, there are two kinds of people in this world. Actually three. One who give gaalis. I am talking about Hindi stuff. Then there those who do not give gaalis. But given time they can be converted. And then there are those abuse in English only.

The last set of people are the silliest. The F word is no match for the C,G or B word. You get the drift. English abuses are mostly short. They do not let you stretch your emotion. Whereas gaalis let you take out the entire anger you are feeling at that point.

There should be credible research hidden somewhere in Europe that abusing in your mother tongue is actually better for your health. Just make sure the person you are addressing it to is five feet away. And shorter than you. Better still you should be in a car.

The culture of protest

Reports coming in from Kolkata tell us that people in the city have taken to the streets in protest of inadequate relief and the collapse of civic facilities.

None of this is news for people in Delhi. Here we protest against everything - water supply, electricity breakdown, demolition drive, CNG and of course Sanskrit. And I am not even including the hundreds of political parties, trade unions or other groups who come to protest in the city every year.

In contrast, when I was in Mumbai during the 2005 floods I was surprised by the lack of anger in the city as electricity and water was not restored even after four days. A friend and I went down to the market to get drinking water. The local neighbourhood shop was selling bottled water at four times the price. When I pointed out that in any other city the shop owner would have been beaten up for doing that, my friend smiled. Further discussion provoked a response that violence is not a solution in a crisis situation and only complicates matter.

Mumbai has always had a culture of protest. Right from the Royal Naval Mutiny, to the taxi unions strike in support of the Railway strike of 1974 and the mill workers strike in 1982. The 2005 floods saw a breakdown of civic infrastructure on a huge scale and the bureaucrats and politicians kept passing the buck for the entire month after.

There was not one protest. No one was bothered. It seemed like people had become indifferent. As long as their immediate problems were solved and they could go about their work they were not interested. To protest means to bring things to a standstill and drawing attention to your self and your problems. It seems like people in Mumbai do not want to do that any more. But we easily tend to forget it was the culture of protest that helped us win our freedom a few decades back.

When did it become unfashionable to protest for what we think is right?

PS Google disagrees with me. A search for "Kolkata" and "protest" yields much less results compared to "Mumbai" and "protest". But most of the "protest" results for Mumbai are the ones after the terror attacks which were not really protests. Where were the bricks and lathis man?

5 things I learnt from the mumbai terror attack

They came. They attacked. We (the police and NSG, not us) fought back. The ICON was reclaimed. I felt humbled. Lots of candles came out. And I learnt some things along the way.

1. The camera is mightier than the gun
The man with the gun can kill you once but the man(or woman) in front of the camera can screw your brains day after day and you will still keep paying to watch cable. For once it was not the politicians who decided what to do next but the news channels. God help us when there is a real war.

Always remember the correspondent under a hail of bullets is speaking the gospel truth. And the TV anchor is God. Very soon the government is coming up with the protocols for the correct way to address them (Your Highness etc) when you meet them (in a kneeling position).

2. Some people are more equal (or the Idea of India resides on the edge of Mumbai)
Never mind that we had transistor bombs going off in buses in Delhi twenty years back. Never mind that terrorists have attacked every town in the country (Delhi, Hyderabad, Jaipur, Bangalore,Ahmedabad, Hyderabad) in the last ten years. Never mind they bombed the trains in Mumbai some time back. But if they attack the Taj we shall come down on them like a ton of bricks with a lot of NSGs and news correspondents.

3. The Taj Hotel = India's Icon
The less said about it the better. Although the VT station where many people were killed is older than the Taj and more people from Mumbai have been through VT than had coffee at the Taj.
Last heard the government was trying to replace the Taj Mahal with Taj Hotel on the Seven Wonders List.

4. Facebook can help deepen our democracy
In the last ten days we have seen many decisions taken on Facebook without involving the Parliament and our bureaucracy. This seems like a good way to save money we waste on elections and our MPs.

Also we realised that ours is a dynamic constitution that we can make up/change as we go along. The politicians cannot fool us anymore. We can not only remove you but also refuse to vote ! (We know there is no such rule but we can make it up...)

A fortnight later, after the hangover I had this thought: This is not our 9/11. It has been happening since the 80's. Only this time the rich got hit.

All I can say is this. Engage with people around you. Debate what is right and wrong. But please vote. And pay taxes.

After all how are they going to find insurance money for the Taj...

All the corners are filled up...

With the arrest of former ABVP members suspected of the Malegaon blasts and the killing of the young boy from Bihar on a Mumbai bus the players are all in the ring - the WWF Royal Rumble India Edition (Multi Language Version).

To one side you have MNS led by Raj Thackeray taking on the Bihari public. On the other there are the Muslim terrorists vs Hindu terrorists. Sometimes I feel like Rip Van Winkle waking up from a slumber after many years. What has happened to this country? When did we become so intolerant and ready to blame/kill someone if we feel threatened?

Problems such as unemployment, lack of opportunities and even HIV(!) are promptly blamed on the OTHER. I remember while producing a show on HIV AIDS awareness two years back, the group claimed that it is the outsiders who brought the virus - before that our city was clean(!). It was as if no one indulged in unprotected sex or had multiple partners. This urge to blame some one else for our faults or things beyond our control is a typical Indian habit we learn from childhood. And it has rich rewards.

If you get caught at home blame your brother. In school you can choose anyone who is a rival as long as the teacher believes your sweet innocent face. At work there is always a scapegoat that you can find. Even in the Metro I can see someone who has pushed me accidentally but refuses to apologize but points behind to blame someone else.

Its simple. If we stand Together and blame the Other, none of us feel bad or responsible for the situation. The politicians love this game since it shifts the responsibility from them. No development? Blame the slum dwellers who come from outside. No water? Blame the farmers in the neighbouring state. Unseasonal floods or drought? Blame Amrika for bringing on Climate Change. Climate Change? Not us - it is the methane produced by polar bears farting in the Artic.

This may not be a bad idea. If all my failures can be attributed to a Bihari who is buying a ticket to Delhi at this very moment, I do not have to do anything more. Just wait for him to land up. Raj Thackeray will take care of the rest.

Cities of Outsiders

Raj Thackeray has kicked off the age old debate on who is an outsider in a city. The argument goes something like this - Our city used to be so good, now it is overcrowded and there is no space. It is these outsiders who have brought it to this state. They need to leave our city.

In this case the ire was directed at the Chatt Puja that is celebrated by Biharis. Raj Thackeray has called the puja a drama drawing a response from political leaders from Bihar. Yesterday, supporters of Raj Thackeray went on a rampage attacking among other things a cinema hall showing a Bhojpuri film.

Who is an outsider? And who is the original resident of any place? Delhi's population doubled overnight after the Partition after most of the refugees decided to settle in this town that was never fully developed by the British. In fact the construction of the New Capital finished only in 1931.

My parents came to the city in 1970 while most of my friends have migrated from places elsewhere in the 80's or 90's. So who among all these is the original dilliwalah? Is it the families who owned large tracts of land that were converted into colonies in the 60s and 70s? But they recognise only the village they live in - Chirag Dilli,for example - and do not talk about Delhi.

Ranjana Sengupta has argued in her book about Delhi that colonies that originally housed different communities Kalkaji & Rajinder Nagar (Refugees from Pakistan, mostly Punjabis), Chittaranjan Park (Bengalis) and Karol Bagh (Tamilians and Malayalees) have become more homogenised over the years. This may have happened more as a process of buying their own house (therefore moving to a new locality) or moving closer to work.

In that sense has Delhi become cosmopolitan? I do not think for once that cultural or religious aspect have become homogenized. There are larger and larger Mata ka Jagarans and Durga Puja Pandals but it may also be true that people from other communities might be joining them. But there is still a tendency to fall back to our regional cultural symbols whenever we feel insecure. Or attack something in another person's culture that we do not understand.

Having grown up with hardly any Malayalee friends, I rarely feel the need to go back to my "roots" since Karol Bagh will be large part of my roots. Kerala is where my parents come from and I love the place but I am not sure whether it is my "home town". And what about my language? Malayalam, English or Hindi? I am confused.

A city can only be cosmopolitan when it confidently absorbs other cultures and its residents do not identify completely with any one of them. Somewhat like children whose parents had a traveling job and ended up absorbing many cultures. I guess to become cosmopolitan one has to travel well. That is the contradiction. Most of us in the cities do not travel much and even when we do, it is in a touristy kind of a way. When we are forced to live with other cultures that is when we appreciate them.

My folks did that that four decades ago and I am continuing that tradition. Enjoying kababs and chole bhature in winter !

Also: Gautam attacks the root of the problem...

Lonavla to Mumbai

what a ride...

four toll gates, wide highways and still the traffic moved at a snail's pace
it seemed like the gurgaon nightmare four times over
ten years ago we were told that the answer to our problems
was wide highways
privately built
charging huge moneys to use them
you would have continuous smooth traffic


well the roads are here
but the traffic was bumper to bumper
check out the view
it was the same for five hours !

I love Mumbai

Just came into Mumbai for a couple of days and realised how much I love coming here once in a while. Some of the reasons :

• This is probably the only place in the world that can make me look like a country cousin. Everyone is wearing the latest fashion and looks super busy staring off into the distance while walking on the streets.
• The only place where they make me feel my English is Old World. Just fixed up a meeting with someone who actually said " When you come into town give me a shout and we will hook up." I thought only 16 year olds used words like that. Silly me !
• People are on time or call up when they are late. (rare in Delhi)
• People here call a 20 ft by 20ft patch of grass a park. (ha ! ha!)
• I get to re learn the stations on the Western Line.
• They think people from Delhi wear printed kurtas, jeans and have unshaven beards. (That's in Kolkata, folks !)
• I get to ask my friends silly questions like - Why are you staying here? Why not in Chembur?
• I get to read another paper during the day. (Although even Delhi has its edition of Midday now)
• Think that travelling to town area on Sunday (no traffic you see) as a major expedition to another planet.

Will keep you updated on my feelings and new discoveries about Mumbai.

Mumbai should not tolerate this

An interesting take on Mumbai on the Express

The writer says that what Mumbai needs most is an intolerance factor

She contends that people in the city have just gotten used to be treated like shit

No coincidence that Bollywood the city of dreams keeps feeding them images

That distracts them from the real issues

I felt the same thing during the 2005 floods

Bottled water was being sold at 40 bucks a bottle

The prices form other food stuff had been hiked up for about fours days

I remember telling my friend

If this was any other city there would have been riots

But not here

We were all waiting for things to get back to normal

(By which I mean passably livable )

And go back to work

Ignoring all the shit we have to take everyday

What we need is for each citizen

(wherever they live in India)

to have the best life possible

and not get sold dreams of Shanghai

memories of the 2005 flood

on saturday mumbai was under water again
i remembered
the city in 2005 when THAT cloudburst happened

i was shooting for a BBC series on Bollywood
we broke for lunch at about 3
my friend with whom i was staying
called me
frantic
it had been raining non stop in andheri
(no one had heard the word cloud burst till them
we only became experts two days later)
i decided to leave early

when we got back to our office in worli
people were fleeing in droves
of course there were the hard core monsoon experts
who said that the rains will stop soon
others argued that we should stay in the office

am glad i never took that advice
i thought
how bad can it be?
the first signs - a jam at the flyover beside the mahalaskhmi flyover
water extending till the next flyover
we waited for a while
after half an hour the driver decided to turn back
we got off and walked
me and a girl from the office

then started the long trek
initially trying to keep on dry ground
then the water reached ankle length
finally it was up to our waist

like two amateurs
we just followed the others
since they told us that they did this every year
(no one knew yet how bad it was)
stopping once to drink some juice
then our sumptuous dinner
really bad noodles at a restaurant that was full of boys
who were cracking jokes and planning to stay till the rains stopped

back on the road
i recognized hoardings I would pass
on the way to office in the morning

at santa cruz
the water flow was so strong
that buses were floating aimlessly
i thought maybe it was the sea coming in

we were directed to the station
some of the people just collapsed
at the platform
trains were standing
a rare sight in Mumbai
we started following the tracks

there comes a time
in any such effort that
each step is an effort
your left leg lifts up
the water drips down from your clothes
slowing you down
the leg comes down
you pull
then the right leg comes up
it is an effort
each time
but your body knows
stopping is not an option
(later i heard of stories of people who stopped off at station or in their cars
and had to wait for 24 hours before they got home or worse)

at andheri
finally land
we climbed onto the station
we crawled out of the jam packed platform
on the road
buses still had passengers waiting for the water to subside
my colleague
was staying at a hostel near the station
i had a longer walk

by this time
i was blabbering
talking loudly to strangers
who were walking along side
the rains stopped
when i reached the adlabs cinema in andheri
buses stood with their lights still switched on
some of them were tied to poles
so that they would not float away
unlike the tables at the barista
balancing upside down awkwardly on the water

as i neared my friend's house
had to take a couple of detours
after i escaped falling into a gutter
just by a whisker
a streetlight was the only witness
to my embarrassment
when my left leg was swallowed
by the drain

home
at 3 in the night/morning
legs reduced to pulp
i almost fell onto the bed
before i realized
that someone else had already taken shelter there

i washed up
and crashed out on the floor
images of water engulfing me
i felt like i had reached land
after a shipwreck

but it was only a one BHK in andheri

hangovers cost Mumbai a lot of money

Here is an article that actually calculated the loss to the industry in Mumbai due to hangovers.

Of course this survey could not be carried out in other cities since the respondents were in an emergency ward recovering from a brawl, still sleeping or washing the evidence of their cars after an accident the night before.