16 Mar 2008

How to be a 100 % dilliwalah (Suggestion No 4)

Take a walk. (even the NY Times approves this one)

When in Delhi you need to be seen walking. Not to your local market. That you have to do in a car. What I am talking about is walking for exercise.

The first thing is location. This has to be Lodi Garden. Preferably in the evenings around 6. There are some guys who do this in the mornings but the only guys who see them walking are serious walkers. Who wants to be seen with them? Evenings are better.

During the evenings you get to be seen with the best of crowds. There will the young MP walking with his family and his security tagging along. The security guys would all be toting guns pretending to be normal. Then of course there would be the older exeutives who would be talking on their mobiles and walking - both activities vital for their health. They might be accompanied by their wives who will be fixing up dinner plans for the evening. Last but not the least would be the older ladies with solitaires fixed on different parts of their bodies.

What will be your gear? This is the easiest since it is the same for men and women. Repeat after me. Branded stuff. With labels in your face. Never mind if the sweat shirt is a little too tight. In fact it will be good if there are some bulges. But the shoes need to be new and with shiny strips one can spot form a distance. And not pets. Except stuff toys which your kids can drag along.

Walking etiquettes. Act busy. This is of course easier with cell phone or an i pod fiddling with it pretending to solve some major world crisis with that boy toy. The other method is to stare into the distance and walk with a purpose.

If someone gives you an eye contact, never smile. Unless it is someone you know. In case of an acquaintance wave a - Hi, how are you and walk on. If it is a friend stand on the path, blocking other people and talk loudly. If it is your boss be ready with an excuse (medical) why you are here when you should be in the office chasing the client. If it is your stock broker uncle make a quick about turn and run into the bushes near by. Stay there till the danger passes away.

Once you are done walking (about one and half rounds) drive down to Khan Market (of course you drove down to Lodi in a car- why would you walk?) and help yourself to a large cold coffee and shake your head smugly at the people lazing at the coffee shop.

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