19 Mar 2008

I have a crush

So do you tell the person (you are attracted to)?

I am not talking about imaginary beauties like Salma Hayek and Monica Bellucci here. Real people you work with or meet by chance. Last night, a friend and I got into a discussion. She had been working with someone on a project and now it was time to say goodbyes. And she was in two minds - should she tell this guy that she had a crush on him?

In my book (since I am the kinds who never tells anyone anything about the affairs of my heart) this is a NO. And this is not a case of being committed or anything. The first time I had a crush (that I still remember) must have been around ten. It was a distant cousin and the sole reason for the attraction was that while all of us were playing she insisted on sitting at the edge of the field and reading a book. Now being a worse book junkie than her, somehow the sight of her sitting on the edge of the field at a distance, engrossed in the book, appealed to me. But did I tell her? No. But that was maybe because I had no clue what to say.

But even when i understood what was happening, I would never reveal a thing. Of course once in a while I would slip up. Like this girl I had a crush on in college. We never discussed the issue since both of us were committed. Or so we pretended that was the reason. Years later while discussing the ups and downs of her relationship (with another man), I ended up revealing my attraction and BOOM! she admitted it too. It was almost like we were playing a card game as to who would reveal first. But admitting did not change things much. So my argument - what's the point?

Other times I remember working alongside or meeting (in one case an old lady who used to braid her hair with strips of coloured cloth running through her hair) someone, where you just enjoy the moment since that is something you can never recreate. You are scared that telling would break the whole thing up. In any case even if one doesn't, our actions betray us all the time. When we are around the person, we are always doing things to impress or act nonchalant so as to not say something stupid.

The tough part is not to say it out - it is to keep the mystery, the game going so that both parties enjoy the trip. There is so much written about declaring your love, being honest and being true to one's emotions, I think it time to try the opposite.

Because, sometimes when all is said, there may be nothing else left to say.

1 comment:

Ashish said...

What crap! you're just a cynical old dotard with one foot in the grave :P

what ever happened to believing in the possibility of true love, of taking the risk that might lead to finding your soulmate, of moving towards a more open and honest society?

Desiderata: "Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is perinneal as the grass."
[quoted straight from memory, no copy paste from Net, just btw]